Possible Future New Baby update

So, an update is due...but I am SO tired! I have had the last 7 days off of work so we have got a ton of stuff done. All 18 loads of baby clothes are done, sorted and put up accordingly...too bad that they are opposite seasons! Room is organized, shopping for some baby necessities is done, FINALLY done painting his room and final decorations are going up. Once the bedding is done I'll put up pictures. A lot of the organization was done when we moved in..like keeping space for bottles, diapers, baby stuff, etc. Almost all the baby stuff is out and ready...almost!!
Here is some info on the baby.....

1. His name will be Easton Andrew Way..I have a hard time using his name though. I just keep finding myself holding back and being a little reserved. I think it's healthy and okay....and if you don't agree and have never been in my shoes..keep your mouth closed!!!! That was meant just how it sounded...with a real pretty smile though!!!!!!!

2. His new due date is tomorrow..03/19/10. They changed it yesterday to that date, but if he is still not here by 03/25/10 then they will induce mom on 03/28/10. A month ago the sono showed him to be 6 lbs..those sonos can sometimes be worthless in determining weight, but if it's right, then I am thinking he may be a big boy!! Charlie was 6# 14 oz (?) and I work with preemies..so an 8lb baby will feel huge!

3. The question everyone really wants to know is...what is his race! You can all act like there is more important questions, but the top 3 questions I get...really, the only 3 questions I get are...1.) When is it due? 2.) What is it 3.) What is his race...in that order! He is full white...and no one was more shocked by that then me... I prayed for a year now for a little bi-racial girl and so hearing he was a white boy...well, it threw me!!
I prayed for the last year that whatever baby came into our family be the best possible fit for Charlie, the baby and us. I did not care what race or what gender..I just wanted him/her to be good for Charlie and vice verse. I then tacked on my specifics..mixed girl, but I fully trusted Him..which is why when I was told about my new little white son, I paused, went humm and then, Okay God, I trust ya and I was super excited! Cause, He needs my approval and all!!

4. We met with birth mom and her twin sister on Monday in Abilene. Can I tell you how exciting it will be to have both bios in Abilene...2 for 1 on the visits!!! Very happy about that!! Mom chose us for a lot of different reasons, but the main one was that Christian Homes told her that we were the most "open" couple. So I know she wants a very open adoption. I think in many ways it may mirror our relationship with Charlie's mom at the beginning. I think there will probably be lots of visits at the beginning that will fade over time. I never want them to completely fade away, but I don't want twice monthly visits either!

5. All her family supports her in this decision except her mom. This is a red flag. She has been warned that her mom will probably try to talk her out of this..really looking forward to that, btw. The plan is for us to be in the waiting room during delivery and see him after. This is what we wanted. I love my child and will love all my children, but I don't need to be in the room when they are born. Pretty sure I cant say "no" if I was asked to be in there, but Bradley and I are MORE then happy to sit in the waiting room!! Plans to stay at the same hotel and just go back and forth to the hospital a few times a day for short visits. He will be born at the same hospital as Charlie..which is the same hospital that I worked at in college!
This time is different..as is should be. I don't feel the need to be there all the time..not that we were last time, but I felt the need. I don't need to be the first to hold him, the one to hold him the most of feed him or whatever. I am more relaxed this time and realize so much more how much her time with him means. I really think this bio will benefit from our previous experiences.

6. Everyday I ask Bradley.."If you had to vote today, will she place?" He usually votes yes, I almost always want to say no. I don't have great confidence that he will come home with us. I am sure part is the "red flag" and that most of that is my previous experience. I have had many people tell me to just trust in God...hello.....check out my past 5 years in attempting to have children..I trust Him, but I know that trusting God does not mean that He will give me what I want and make me happy. He loves me and will never give me more then I can handle, but He does not give us everything we ask for. Even if we ask and expect it, we do not always get what we wants...and many times we should say a big THANK YOU for those unanswered prayers..we just don't know it at the time.

7. I know that it took me a long time to bond and love Charlies mom like I do now, so I have to remind myself that it takes time. This mom is super nice, just different then me in a lot of ways..whereas, Charlies mom and I have more in common and she reminds me a lot my myself at 15-18...in time I hope to feel bonded and close to them both!

I am tired and often overwhelmed..and a lot of that is my OCD, type A personality that just needs to take a break..but I am a little more hopeful each day..not a day has gone by that I have not texted/emailed/facebooked with mom or her sister and each time makes me feel a little more secure. I am not wishing away my last 10 days with Charlie and with my sweet family of threes, but some days I just want those 48 hrs to be over and know what her decision is....