One year ago today...

One year ago I was standing in the kitchen and my phone rang..I saw caller ID and I knew...my heart was racing and I was concentrating to keep my already super fast talking to a understandable speed.

Back up to one week prior..we had our homestudy with Christian Homes. I had cleaned my house like I have never cleaned before and actually had tea and cookies waiting for the case worker! After our 4 or 5 hour visit I asked her a question..and I had an ulterior motive. In getting ready for the homestudy I was trying to print our photo album that we had made for potential birth moms. It was not even due that day, but I was getting anything and everything turned in so they would put us on that list dadgumit!! When I went to print it out at Kinkos my disc did not work..I was frustrated and was on the verge of tears....a year ago ANYTHING could make me cry! I got in the car and called my husband and mom and told them "I am pretty sure we are gonna get a baby real soon" and they respond with "Do you know something or have you finally lost it and have made plans to steal someones baby".

I choose to be positive this moment..it would not print and it was going to cost me about $80-$100 to print it. So instead of getting frustrated and crying I chose to believe that today the social worker was going to tell me that someone was already interested in us so not to worry about printing out all 8 copies..."just wait" she would say...And I may have been delusional, but I decide that this was going to happen..

"Anymore questions before I leave" she asked.....So I ask her about when I need to have my photo album to her. And then it happened..just like it had in my head earlier that day..."Well, I am not supposed to tell you this, but we are actually presenting your info to a birthmom tomorrow, so don't print anything off yet". I saved myself $100 that day cause I never had to print off those other photo albums!!! She told us it would be a few days before she heard anything, so just wait patiently. At this point I kinda wanted to hit this very sweet and nice woman....wait patiently..WARNING..things you DO NOT say to an infertile!!!

So, I did something else I never do..I kept this information to myself..for the most part! We wanted to wait and tell out parents when we had good news.not "almost" good news. So we waited, and waited and a week later I got the call.

As soon as I saw caller ID I knew it was them and I knew they had good news. I usually had a good feeling about my baby stuff. I usually felt it when I was going to get bad news with all the IVF stuff and could brace myself for it, and I just felt good when I saw caller ID. And sure enough it was them and all they said was that they wanted to do a conference call with Bradley and I.....SHUT UP!!!!! I so knew what that meant!!! I called Bradley and was calm..no screaming or happiness, but we both knew what this meant. I think the conference call was like 5 min later and her first words were " You have been chosen by a birthmom and she wants to meet you". I will never be able to put into words what I felt...it really was a feeling like no other. You know that feeling where you just need to scream..louldy..as soon as the call was done I screamed and screamed and screamed..all while jumping. Mind you I am home alone, so that makes it okay, right? I then hit the ground to pray and all I could mange to say to God was "Thank you, Thank you.." over and over and over. I thought I would have these amazing words to offer up to Him, but all I could manage was "Thank you" and I feel that he heard that and saw my heart and was pleased. He saw on the inside what I could not manage to put into words.

After my screaming I called Bradley back and we were speechless except "Can you believe it" I think that was all we managed to say. We met for lunch..and that was honestly, no kidding, the first time I have ever been so excited and nervous that I did not touch my food. We decided to wait until he got off work to go and tell our parents..shut up, I had to wait!!!! I did get permission to call my friend Abbe, Bradley knew better then to make me keep it all in until 5pm!! And she did just what I needed her to do..she screamed with me and then gave me permission to call anytime the next 3 weeks just to scream..and I am pretty sure I took her up on it!

Telling our parents and families was the best feeling ever. It trumped telling them we were pregnant cause I had a peace about this..in telling them, I had nothing but good feeling about this. I did not have that I am giving good news now and bad later..it just felt %100 good!!! My whole point of this post was to attempt to put into words my joy from that day..and typical, it's not possible. For the first time in 2.5 years of trying to have a baby..I felt good, really good. My body, my mind, my spirit all felt joyful and I remembered how nice that was. I had a peace that I had never had before with all my infertility issues. A peace that I know came from God..who was trying to tell me...okay, now it's time. I always knew God would answer my prayers to be a mom with a yes, I felt he put those desires there and I felt I would be a mom someday. I did not know how and when, but I knew a yes was out there for me somewhere. And for the first time..I felt confident that this was it.

I loved my baby that day..instantly. I felt like a mom..instantly. All these things that we had wanted forever were happening and OH MY GOODNESS..it felt great. And it felt great to share them with all those who had prayed with us along the way. It was a day that is etched so perfectly into my mind and it is one of those days that elicits such sheer joy and in true Amie form..a few(lots) tears!

So, for those that prayed with me on this journey, thank you..and I want to ask one more favor. Going through difficult times is always made easier by having people surround you with their prayers and so I ask you to keep my sweet, sweet friend Jodi and her baby Brooklyn in your prayers. I encourage you to check out her blog and keep them in your prayers the next 5 months until Brooklyn Hope arrives.

Stay tuned for more flashbacks in the next few weeks!

Seriously...

Notice anything odd about the picture below....??? How about the switch right next to Charlie? Bad spot for a disposal switch...duh. Only an man, without children would come up with that brilliant idea! So, Charlie has been on medicine for ...16 days now for another never ending ear infection. Well, one of his medicine syringes got stuck in the disposal..the second time this has happened. Before Bradley had a chance to fix it our little man walked by and turned on the disposal. Since it was stuck with a medicine syringe in there..it did not turn, therefore making no noise and then..burning up. All while we played in the living room.
I figured out what had happened while washing dinner dishes..I reached over and turned off the disposal..which had been running for who knows how long..
$180.00 and a messy kitchen later, I have a new, top of the line disposal....btw.. who cares if your disposal is top of the line??
This is his "I'm sorry" face..check out his rolls!!

It's funny, I can see all his curls and tell this was a before" haircut picture :(

Do they sell covers for the disposal switch???

Intresting....

So, Bradley and I were watching the news last night and thought I would pass on what we found to be very interesting. WFAA, ABC's local news station ran a story over Embryo Adoption..I personally am hoping that people will see this story and feel compelled to donated their embryos that they are not going to use....that's probably because we are in the percentage that Dr. Doody mentioned in the story that are just waiting for some to become available. The Dr. Doody that they mentioned is one of the Dr's at the clinic I got to.

Anyway, check it out..we thought it was interesting. tonight is the follow up on the other side of Embryo Adoption....the views from those who are not really for it. We are TiVo'ing it also so I will try to add that site tomorrow.

Also, happy birthday to my AWESOME hubby..I could do a long post to you about how much you rock..but we both know, that is SO not your thing! I love you!

Never claimed to be smart

Well, that's not really true, I claim to be smart to someone usually every day..anyway, I digress..notice anything missing on his invitation that I made all by myself???? Not a smart day I guess!! I blocked out 'the where and my number..to keep the crazies away!!

My baby got his hair cut!!

My first thought was "I have buyers remorse"...can you have buyers remorse with a haircut?? It looks great and needed to be evened out, but the lack of curls kinda makes me sad. I don't even think I am that person who loves curly hair, it just makes him look older now..and that makes me sad...me and every other parent who took their kiddo for their first hair cut! At the end of the day..I am glad it is done and the lady told me it would grow better and hopefully more even now..and I love the fowhawk I can do on his hair now!!!

He was in the yellow taxi..how cute are these chairs!!

In front of him was a wall of mirrors..greatness since he loves to look at himself..and then a big TV showing "The Incredibles". Between playing with the steering wheel, looking at himself, and then watching TV...he was set!!!

This was at dinner..hence the thumb in the mouth..it goes in when he sees food or his cup. I took these as my after photos, but clearly they are not doing a good job since you cannot even see my fowhawk! The one below is a little better! Love the way he is kind cutting his eyes at me!

These videos will probably only be enjoyed by family..but feel free to watch anyway!! He cracks me up with the steering wheel!

He is so uninterested in the hairstylist it cracks me up..btw..not my voice in the background. I got the "first haircut" package that came with photo and his curls, so that is the person working there..her voice is in a few of these.

I was wondering how long it would take for him to start grabbing at it!

His faces were cracking me up in this one..way to many videos..sorry!!!

I turn my back for one second...

I don't know why I am surprised...this kid LOVES the dishwasher. I only grabbed the camera first cause all the knives were out of his reach..this time!!

Super Fun long weekend!!!

So, our long 4th of July weekend ROCKED!!! We managed to spend a day at Hurricane Harbor with our friends while Charlie was with his moms. We each got in some Incredible Pizza time..went to see Hancock (which I thought was great!)...did some swimming...saw some great fireworks..and took a family trip to the Zoo and got some more swimming time over at Mutti and Papa's house. These pictures are slightly out of order, but they are at least grouped together!! BTW..we had a blast at the Zoo..I love the Zoo and am already looking forward to returning!! We went early in the morning and all the animals were moving..this was the Jaguar and it was awesome. It kept pacing back and forth in front of us. Charlie loved any animal that moved. If it was not moving he really did not notice it or care to pay attention to it!

He loved the birds!! You could pay $1 and get a stick with seeds on it so the birds would come to you..he was lovin it. In this picture the bird is biting/pecking at his fingers. He just smiled and laughed! Such a boy!

Why sit and look at the birds when you can grab onto them..pretty sure this was not allowed!!
I think that Mommy and Daddy had just as much fun as Charlie did. It's hard to tell, but he was trying to give the bird kisses!
I was surprised the crocodile/alligator (I was not paying attention) kept him interested for so long. I guess since it was anything water related it was a hit!
I LOVE this picture..love his face. Poor Bradley was forced to look at this picture like 10 times and he had to listen to me saying over and over.."it's such a great picture"!!
There was "something" shooting water up into the sky and then into the ground in the Texas Town section. We let him down and he walked through it like 5 times. He was soaking wet when it was done, but I know he felt better and looked to stinkin cute doing it!
LOVE IT!!!

The white tiger also was pacing back and forth..which is a little unnerving..but cool! Charlie..and Bradley and I.... were all fascinated by it. I loved when Charlie would try to reach out and touch them..

I look weird..but can you see his shoes?? He was wearing his new Puma shoes and he look like such a big boy! I meant to get a cool "feet" picture cause we all had on our Pumas that day...maybe another day!

Feeding the fish with Daddy... I think these were spider monkeys or chimps in the background...whatever they were, when they were swinging, he was loving it..as were we!!!The sign of a great day at the Zoo!!!!!

Fourth of July pictures

Addison killing time before the show...love her hair!!!
Mom entertaining Charlie and Brady with the camera..killing time!
Katie passing time her own way before the show..

The boys were tiring out, but not to worry..they stayed awake for the show and loved it!!
Thank you to my sweet husband for taking me to watch the fireworks. I know he does not love it, but I am glad he took Charlie and I!! Thanks Daddy/Bradley!!

Chillin with Libby's hat on..I cannot believe that I don't have pictures with Charlie and Libby. I guess when you are just 3 months apart..some one is always not smiling for the picture!! ps..that some one is usually our serious Charlie..not our giggly Libby!!!

PSA...

Here is how my brain works..when I typed that, my first thought was..prostate specific antigen??? What I was going for was Public Service Announcement. Here is my PSA to all of you out there.....

Please visit your Dermatologist for a routine check up. Now, I should have taken this picture before the Dr took a sample to test it to give you an idea of what I saw that made me go to the Dr in the first place. About 3 months ago I got a " pimple" on my forehead. After not going away for 3 weeks I made a Dr apt. Turns out it was skin cancer...nice right. The above pic is after 2 weeks of treatment of the one on my chest so that's why all the red bumps are there now..the medicine makes it do that.

The Dr said to me " It could be this, or this, or skin cancer, but I am doubting it's basil cell carcinoma". No surprise to me..it was skin cancer. The Dr said "This is the best kind of skin cancer to have and it is common, just not usually.." and I stepped in and finished his sentence with "in someone my age". He looked at me funny and said "actually, yes. It is more common in your 40's." And I replied to him "as are a lot of my medical conditions doc!"

So, after finding the first one I have been super aware of my body...more so then usual and have gone on to find another one that we are treating again with topical chemotherapy. The first one is completely gone and healed and I assume the second will do the same...so here is my friendly reminder to visit your local Dermatologist and have a full body check!!!

And since you had to look at a groody picture of my skin cancer..here is one of Charlie's 9 month pictures. I was not happy with how they turned out so I have booked a really great photographer for his 1 year/family pics..hope they turn out much better!

Summer time..

It's summer time and we have been living it up!!! Lots of swimming, park time and LOTS of play time with our friends. Too much playing and to much fun leads to less blogging....sorry!!! Here is what we have been up to!

Cooking some blueberry pancakes for Daddy!! Juice + Flour=Paste...Charlie thought the paste was the most fun part!! His eyes are closed cause mommy is tossing flour in his face!!

When mommy is away the boys will play...just taking the car out for a spin!..not really, give me a little credit!Charlie and Brady at Incredible Pizza!Love the look on Charlie's face!

Love this 2 second video for one reason..watch his cheeks!!! Love his chub! I have more videos and pic's but blogger is not cooperating..so maybe tomorrow!