Let it snow, Let it snow, let it snow!!

Snow...3 times in December??? What the heck!! The first snow did not tweak Charlie's interest, but the second time on Christmas Eve, we showed him all the perks of snow...so by the time #3 rolled around..he was loving it!! Does he look tough in his scarf or what!!?? Bradley insist that Charlie is NEVER to wear scarfs and other "gay winter things"..but when its 29 degrees outside, he let it slide when I wrapped mine around Charlie. So when I went to get a picture of him I told him to look tough...and I guess this is tough!!
Still working on it!

This is the last snow we got..it covered more, but I loved this picture that Bradley took.

I want to move this picture and I am not sure if it is Blogger or the new computer..which I am slow to love since there is a lot that's different...Anyhoo..this is why I don't blog as much as I used to...I have a million pictures like this. This kid is ALWAYS moving..I know, I know, so is every other 2 year old, I get it. I'm just saying, I am not that fast so this is what so many pictures look like!!

Snow #2..that tree swing in the back yard makes any pictures I take out there a "new favorite"!!

Charlie's first snowman..kinda mine too! I am sure I have made one before..I just have no memory of it! I started to make this one and realized I need some help from Bradley..I had three piles of snow, but needed a little direction! Charlies contribution was....not knocking it over and chewing on the extra noses! The eyes were olives since I had no coal or rocks around and there is a carrot nose in there somewhere! I had two matching arms picked out, but Bradley said that made it look boring..so now we are left with a "special" snowman!!

My boys working hard!

I cannot remember which snow this was..I think the big Christmas Eve one, but this snow was the first time it stuck where the pool used to be (later in the day it stuck)..for some reason the snow usually doesn't want to stick there. There is already grass there, so there goes that idea!

One more picture of the snowman!!

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I am working on getting caught up on blogging and I am trying to schedule a bunch today..we will see how that goes!! These are a few that did not fit into any of my "upcoming themes"!!

One more excuse for not blogging..I am always chasing after this one..Charlie that is!! I think I may be nearing a time when his booty is to old for the Internet, but hopefully not just yet!! I snapped this with my phone so pardon the quality!! As fun as our shoes are, we should have just wrapped all them up for him for Christmas!!

Made some reindeer cake balls for some holiday parties..I think they turned out kinda cute!!

So much for December...

I had great hopes of making up for November's lack of posting...but you can see how that has gone!!! I have had this post in my head for a long time..and in my head it makes sense and sounds okay..but I have put off writing it down cause I know that once it gets on paper it probably will not reflect 100% what I want it to...but for the purpose of "being real" and sharing my struggles and being authentic..here goes..

My thought is...if I am struggling and do not share then people may read this and not truly understand our adoption and its struggles this time around..and how does that help people with their journey (I can never say the word "journey" without thinking of The Bachelor:) I struggle with wanting people to know that I trust God and his timing,but that I really want a baby...and that makes me human. There are days when I feel so stinking sad..for the past 2 weeks I have really struggled to find happiness in my day. So I am sad, and very down....but then, while in the midst of feeling sad and really low....I feel such a great amount of guilt. How dare I be sad? There are people out there with "real" issues and struggles. Really, what have I got to be sad about..I have a God that loves me, knows me and wants the best for me. I have a super hot and amazingly supportive husband who's is also one of the worlds greatest fathers. I have a beautiful, smart, HEALTHY 2 year old boy..a job I love, love, love...a new house..cars that 90% of the time work..:) Really, I felt sooo guilty for feeling sooo sad. I would struggle to be a fun mommy to Charlie cause I was down..then the guilt really piled up. Because how does wasting my last bit of time alone with Charlie feeling sad help me out any???

I was sad...and it was a weird, dull sad. Not my usual "cry a whole lot sad". In fact I had not cried about anything adoption related since the last match went bust...that my be because I used up all my tears on that match...:) Really, you guys know I am a crier..and sometimes crying feels so good, for real. I was sitting down watching some DVR'd stuff while Bradley was out of town and Charlie was in bed for the night. I was watching Mercy..that nursing show that's just "so-so". Well, there was an episode about adoption, not really even a good one, and when the family finally got the baby..after the birth mom had changed her mind, I lost it. Like, bury your face in the pillow to quiet the sobbing type of cry. After the crying and praying was done, I was done. I decided I was done..done being sad and feeling sorry for myself. Done feeling guilty. I made a conscious effort to not allow myself to feel sad and sorry for myself.

I prayed to God that He help me go just one week and not feel down, not be sad, not be negative when discussing adoption. I asked that just for one week that He make it so that no one will ask me about adoption so I was not tempted to tell them what I had become accustom to this past month.."I am over this adoption, I still want a baby more then anything, but I am over talking about it". I know God heard my cries and this week has been a great week..it helped to that the weather was nicer this week too! And in terms of people asking me about adoption...well, Gods funny you know. I had a lot of people talking to me about adoption this week...and instead of thinking this is one more prayer God chose to answer, I think he my have ignored the second part of my request so he could fulfill the first part. In talking to people I got to say out loud over and over...that the adoption was fine, we were just still waiting, but I trusted my God...and he would take care of me. And that's true...however this adoption finishes..I trust God will take care of my family.

Just because I had a great week does not mean that I am fixed from forever feeling sad or frustrated with this adoption. It does not mean that I don't struggle when I pray about it. I have always prayed specifically to God..he has told me to. But when you pray that... this is the week you get the call or that this is the month you get the call or even that today is the day you get the call...and another day, week and month go by unanswered with a yes...I then tend to offer up very broad prayers, so I am not so disappointed when they are not answered on my timeline. Not sure if that's okay, but its working for me. I still wish today was the day, I still wish I knew the who, what, WHEN, where and how of all of this adoption, but I will choose to be happy while I wait. I will choose to embrace every/most moments I have alone with Charlie (since he is still 2, I threw in most..its hard to love EVERY tantrum!!) I will chose to praise God for all my other blessings. I will choose to not make this moment all about me and more about Him.

I wanted to do this post for my own reference..to be reminded of how low I was before he gives me another great high. I know for some people..you can be so low and no matter how much you love and trust God, you cannot simply make a choice to feel better and then you are...I get that, I really do. But in this instance, and in this time... for me it was allowed to be that simple.

Bottom line, I love God, I trust God, I know he loves me and that he wants whats best for me.....I does still suck that we have waited 10 going on 11 months, it does suck to want a baby so bad and not have Him gives us a YES right now...but I can "suck it up" right now..because of what I know....not matter what, I will be fine..

The boys

I got Charlie a sports frame for his new room that says "The Boys" on it. I wanted to get one of all three boys in their Cowboy jerseys for the frame....I am thinking we never got the money shot, but one of these will do!! at least he is smiling while running away!

Sometimes this parenting thing is a riot..

Every parent has a list of funny things their kids do..and to each parent, their kid is the funniest..I am no exception! Charlie has been keeping us entertained!

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We have been working on "tone"..he knows his manners, but screaming "No thank you" while ferociously waving his finger at you, not that finger, is not really polite. So we have been practicing being a sweet boy and watching his tone. The other day I got on to him for..pick something..and he pointed his finger at me and told me "Mommy, watch your tone"..nice huh..

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Charlie has never been a great sleeper. I still wont say he sleeps through the night. He will go a few weeks sleeping great at night and out of the blue wake up crying. About 2 weeks ago he started crying when we put him to bed cause there were "monsters in his room" (how does he even know what a monster is????) The monster thing went on for about a week and a few nights ago he started crying so I went up there. When I came in he was crying for Daddy, surprise I know. I told him that Daddy was not there, but he kept asking for him. So finally I said "Charlie.Daddy.is.not.home...his response.."Then who is the man in my room"

Are you kidding me....

So, now I am freaked out cause now I want Daddy home too! Charlie asked me to sleep in his room and you can bet I did..no way was I hanging out by myself downstairs with "some man" in the house!!

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Last night we were leaving my moms house and I told him to tell my mom thank you...he turned around and coyly said "thanks baby".....stud muffin

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He randomly asked me if Santa would bring him a baby sister...in hopes to avoid Santa letting him down, we advised him to ask for a train! He ask me at least once a day "you got me a baby sister yet?" I always tell him I am working on it, so now he randomly ask me "you working on a baby for me"...hope that sentence does not scar him for life!

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On Thanksgiving he got his eye hurt and was being a bit over dramatic, no clue where that comes from, so I told him he was fine and to "suck it up". Hours later when it was determined that his cornea was scratched, he turned to Bradley and said through his tears and whimpering "Daddy, my Mommy told me to suck-it-up" insert big pouty lips and sad, puffy eyes here. We laughed at him which was a HUGE mistake. When we got to my Granners for Thanksgiving lunch he may have told more then one person to suck it up...quality parenting right there!

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Charlie, like most 2 yr old, has moments where he..um, just freaks out. So, my quality parenting may have told him more then one time to "Stop Freaking Out"...I was getting on to the dogs and may have not been using my sweet girl tone and was told by Charlie to "Stop Freaking Out Mom"..um, since when am I Mom???

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We have been working with Charlie and teaching him that he has 2 mommies and 2 daddies. He has now told the man at Home Depot, the ATT Uverse man and the exterminator that he has 2 mommies..don't you want to know what they are thinking when he tells then that! When he does it, I like to work into the conversation the word "husband" and not partner!!

I dont see this getting better this month

So, I have been a absent blogger for the month of Nov...I do not foresee this getting better in Dec to be honest!! I have been busy like I have not known in a while from Oct to now...its finally getting better and now the holidays are here...which is AWESOME!! I love this time of the year so much more since I am seeing it through Charlie's eyes...he is so excited to see Christmas lights at night and loves the blow up Santa's in peoples yard..and finally..a man in my life who is excited about a Christmas tree, Christmas movies and all the Christmas decorations!!!!

I just thought I would try to justify my missing in action status...I know, other people blog no matter what, I am just not that good!! I may regret getting my dogs back!!After being gone 4 months..while the old house was on the market and then they couldn't come to the new home until the fence was stable from taking it down to remove the pool..I have my boys back. It's now like I have three 2 yr old who do not listen to me..see Bo turning his head....I am thinking none of my boys listen to me!!
I may have had my house up and going for 1 week...and then came time for Christmas decorations...I was happy to get them up, but I did not dare move anything for fear that I may have no idea where things go back to!

I may have had project after project on my to do list..I am down to just a handful, but the fun is wearing off!!

I may have made over 100 Christmas bows in the last week..yikes!

I may have had cake balls coming out my ears from showers and birthday parties...but these ladybug ones sure were fun!

I may have spent too much time in the kitchen...Crafty cooking was fun day one....not as much fun now!

We may have had family in on both sides for a week..and spending time with them was all I wanted to do...I did not get any pictures yet from the New York family,but I am so blessed that I LOVE all my in-laws on both sides and love spending time with them.

Theses sweet children may have taken up some of my time!!

I maybe was super happy to do nothing but love on all these kids for a week straight!!

I maybe..just every now and then thought...I do not want 8 children total!!!

I may have thought to myself that my sister in law should take up photography as a job, not just a hobby..

I just may think this caption is dead on!!!

I just may love all NINE of my nieces and nephews to death!!

I just may think, if God gives me all boys I will be okay with that!

These just may be the three cutest boys EVER!!

I may be one lucky girl to be surrounded by all 37 of these people....On those days when I want to complain that I am wanting another baby so baby and I am frustrated that it has not happened...I just may need to remind myself that I have a lot of blessings to keep me occupied until he or she gets here...but that doesn't stop me from praying for a Christmas baby!!