6 months:)

How is my sweet boy 6 months already...I really does seem so fast and I think a lot of that is due to his first 2 /12 months of life.  They really are a blur..a fuzzy, foggy mess.  I consider myself a good mom, a capable mom and a fun mom....I was none of the above for those first few months.  I work with babies who have reflux and NEVER grasped the patience and stamina that you need to love and take care of those babies 24/7...but I was knowledgeable about reflux and knew it would not last forever....on the other hand, I knew nothing of MSPI..Milk, Soy, Protein Intolerance.

You may have noticed that I totally phoned it in on the blog for the first few months of Easton's life..and please note, the only reason I am sharing this is because 1) I am past that rough phase and can tell you 110% that I love, adore, cherish and praise God daily for my sweet boy and 2) It would have been real helpful if someone shared this with me prior to me struggling.  I put this out there because someone else may need to hear that and that they are okay and it will be fine!

I had a hard time bonding and the guilt I felt over the lack of attachment was overwhelming.  I brought this sweet baby home and I instantly loved him, but I did not feel a strong connection with him. I was not worried..by the time I came home, I had maybe held him 5 times..if that.  I knew it would come.  About the time it should have come... the bloody diapers came & constant feedings due to insufficient absorption that stemmed from 15 diarrhea diapers every day.  We were gong through 5-7 outfits a day due to vomit and diarrhea.  You had to put him down right after a feed so he did not throw up and if anyone touched him he was instantly hungry again..because he had just had diarrhea and there went his last meal...So, we had a baby that you could not hold, cuddle or snuggle. He wasn't really fussy or crabby..which just furthered my guilt.  But he was happiest when left untouched.  I tried to feed him and then hold him real still and upright, but that left me with vomit from head to toe on at least 15 occasions...not kidding, my shirt, bra, jeans, belts, sock and even underwear had vomit on them.  I attempted to breastfeed to help with his tummy and our bonding..but the drug they give to help with inducing milk in women who have not give birth..it's kinda been recalled..ughhh! So that was short lived and unsuccessful.

 I finally told my husband and my mom that I was struggling and that they needed to check in on me..if I had given birth, you would have called what I had post partum depression..but with no delivery..you just called me a crap mom..or that was how I felt.  I asked/begged Bradley to stay home one day..right as he was walking out the door to work.  I told him if he wanted to come home to 2 children it was in his best interest to stay home with us that day...did I mention that I was potty training Charlie during all this..:)

When some people would ask how things were going..just the casual "hey, hows the new baby"..i would start crying.  A few really close friends confided in me that they had struggled with bonding and attachment.  As they shared I was relieved..and a bit frustrated.  I wished they would have shared sooner..of course, they did not know I was struggling.

When I mentioned doing this blog to my husband he was hesitant..no one likes this kind of business shared.  but I kept saying..if I had someone telling me all this..I would have felt less guilty, a bit more normal and not so terrible.  I mean, who prays for 13 months for a baby and then has the audacity to not appreciate him....i.felt.like.crap. 

And then when East was about 2.5 months old we met Miss Allison, the NNP at the GI's office....this is where I would interject the angels singing "HALLELUJAH"!!!  She talked to me for 10 mins and told me that Easton was a typical MSPI kid.  She gave me a sample of EleCare..which I knew from work, was the WORST smelling formula and that Easton would now be "that smelly kid":)  She told me it was about $60 a can..I died a little bit inside..and then I fed him.  I thought it was in my head that he seemed better...but by the time he had 2 bottles in him I had a new baby.  He was at the right age to smile, but hadn't smiled much.  All the sudden I had this baby that smiled, only pooped 2 times that day and within a day or so we were only in  2 outfits a day...it was a freaking miracle in my mind!!!  You could hold & cuddled Easton for the first time in a long time..it took me a while to realize he did feel better and that my holding him wasnt going to make him vomit anymore!

I don't know if I have been making up for lost time, but I cannot keep my hands of Easton!  I am pretty sure I am smothering him a bit with all the kisses, laughs and snuggling we do.  He is so different from Charlie and that is so fun to me to have babies so opposite.  I am biased since I am their mom, but they each have the best of the best qualities.  Easton is SOOOOO laid back and easy going.  You can do anything, anytime and take him anywhere.  He sleeps when you need him to, he wakes up and instantly goes into full on smile and charmer mode.  He smiles at strangers and gives people such attention that you always walk away smiling.  He is my sensitive child..when I get on to Charlie he has been know to cry when I raise my voice at Charlie.  He LOVES to cuddle and that is a new one for me!  He eats and sleeps so good..the only time he is really cranky is when he is getting teeth..by the way, we are at 10 teeth now....WHAT!!!!

I love Easton...more then I ever knew possible.  That is why I have no problem putting all this out there....that is a lie, just typing this and I already feel judged.  I love my children..both of them, more then I ever knew possible.  I have no clue what lesson/blessing that this struggle brought to our lives, but I'm pretty sure there was a purpose for it!

We saw the GI specialist a few weeks ago and we got the okay to do a trail of regular formula..he got 1 oz of regular formula in a 24 period....and it took us 2 days to recover from that.  The vomiting, diarrhea & frequent changes of clothes were all back....in a 2 hour period Easton and I showered/bathed 3 times:)  I knew we had both changed..he'd vomit and give me a HUGE smile..and I'd bawl.  Last time I got frustrated and irritated at the ruined clothes, chairs, the smell and the clean up.  This time we just sat in the vomit for a minute..and I cried and thanked God for whoever made EleCare and Miss Allsion...and Easton never stopped smiling!  We got the okay to try again in a few weeks, but we decided staying on the EleCare was worth every bit we paid to keep our baby happy.  We will try again at 10 months...so feel free to pray that Easton has outgrown this by 10 months..at least a year....cause I have no idea what we do if he hasn't!

I am beginning to loves these "rough" pictures more then the pretty posed ones!!

*take note of my tan line again..I'm just saying!!

easton update..

There is blogging to catch up on....but I am busy doing important things...like loving on my baby:) Working on Easton's 6 month update..shooting to have it up by tomorrow! That is, if I can ever put him down and focus!!!

***important things to note in this photo***

*Easton makes me look tan:)

*I had a watch line this summer..that's never happened to this pale girl.

*I look so rough in this picture, but I hardly ever get "ready" anymore, so now this looks normal to me....I should be very worried.

*I used to not be a fan of widows peaks..I now think they are ADORABLE.

*Easton's hands are in his mouth 99.9% of the day..this is all new to me. Charlie never "teethed". His teeth appeared out of no where and he never had a sign or symptom.

*Easton's hand have been in his mouth for 3 months straight. We got our first tooth at 3 months and by 6 months we have EIGHT!!!

*don't judge our naked-ness and P'Js....his naked-ness and my PJ's...come on, we don't take those kind of pictures!

Court:)

I intended to photoshop these just a bit, but when I wait to do that , I find they are weeks late getting on the blog! Theses are just a few pictures snapped from court...right after he told the judge he slaps his brother!! These are not really great of anyone..but I was excited and thought is was way fun to have the same judge for each boy.

This was for Charlie's court visit..he was 8 months by the time we headed to court!

Easton totally laid one on the judge right as we took the picture!

Excuse Easton and me..no time to photoshop:) Charlie managed to psych himself out while waiting on the judge. He was hiding from her and getting more afraid of her by the minute and did not want to get in his chair where she would be able to see him..which some times I can let slide, but not while sitting in a courtroom:) I was kinda panicking about what to do if he was refusing to stand when the judge walked out...I did not know how serious they informed the "everyone one stand when the judge enter"..even 3 yr olds?? When the judge entered he got a a "mommy look" and stood right on up!!

I love how his face looks scared in the last one..and just irritated in this one!..that's my boy!

Bradley was trying to fix the camera...my face says "Put the flippin camera down and grab a kid, dude!!"

Charlie started giving thumbs up..like a big cheesy thumbs up..still not sure where he picked that up from!

..and he did it all day, both days, while we were there.....and I don't think I have seen him do it again since we have been home???

....can these also be my embrace the camera pictures?!?!

Visit #3

After visiting with Charlies family at Mr. Gattis we drove across the street to Chucky Cheese..for reals... Charlie was in heaven/out of control from all this attention and game time!! We met Eastons family at Chucky Cheese so that Charlie and Albert, Eastons other mom's other son could play...was that a confusing sentence!!! Albert also falls into the category of "you name it if it's a boy and I'll name it if it's a girl"..just saying!! Anyway, we went there so that the older kids could play and the adults could visit a little easier!

I have not posted pictures of Easton's family before cause I never wanted to ask permission and have to mention my blog. Well, someone in their family has a blog and my family is all over it and all over facebook, so I no longer worry about privacy issues!....well, I worry about my privacy, but not offending theirs..that is another blog...

anyhoo..!! Could he be anymore beautiful..those eyes, that smile, those teeth (8)..they make me MELT..I am so blessed to be the mommy of my two boys:)
M's twin sister and mom

okay, these are all out of order.

I am working 4 days this week as opposed to 2, so I am tired...and thus, they will remain out of order! This was about 10 min before we left..can you tell Charlie is EXHAUSTED! This was one of those rides that shakes/vibrates/moves and it was tickling his ears!

I'm sure your expecting me to say "Oh my goodness look at that terrible photo..I look nothing like that"..Folks, that is exactly what I looked like and felt like at 9pm...my day started at 6am..I drove almost 3 hrs and then had a visit at 12, 4 and 7....this picture is a PERFECT representation of what I felt like! I have a BLAST visiting with everyone..I really did, but it wears you out, in many ways.

We used a few coins here...we were sitting and relaxing and not getting up for a while!!

Eastee was sooo tired. He just cat napped all day and never got a long nap. About an hour into the visit he was out..for about 30 min and then he woke up recharged and ready to entertain some more! This is Easton and his other mommy!

M and Easton

M, Easton and M's best friend, who we met when Easton was born.

I LOVE this picture of them!

I was so happy and not the least bit surprised that Easton was so happy and smiley for them. When they get to see him so infrequently you want so badly for them to be perfect in every way during the visit.

M's twin sister.

This was shortly before he fell asleep..he has major tired eyes here!

M's twin, Easton, Albert and Grandma in the background!

I thought this was a good one too!!

M and her twin and East.

Easton and M's mom...who was originally against the adoption, but came around on day 3 of our stay in Abilene when Easton was born. She has never been anything but wonderful to us, which I know was hard for her since she struggled so much with Easton's moms decision to place.

Okay to answer a few questions I have had.....

I call both the kids birth parents their "other mommy's and daddy's". When we first started the adoption process there was "no way in you know what" that I would have ever allowed MY baby to call someone else mom...until I matured and realized that it wasn't about ME..it was about my babies. It feels really impersonal to say birth parents now that I know these people and have a bond and connection with them...and lets be honest, the way me and my family view it, it is their kid too. Why that one is hard for others sometimes blows my mind. I cannot even count how many times I have said till I am blue in the face "They placed them for adoption because they DID love them so much, not because they didn't"????

I feel the need to point out, I am not flawless,(my husband is laughing real hard at that right now:)I have vented my frustrations about the kids other parents to people..I am normal. But I honestly do love these people and they are my family...they are my kids other moms and dads....and my kids are SO lucky to have so many people love them. And I hope we always see it that way and I hope others do to....don't feel sorry for me or for their other moms about how all this happened. We all chose to make the best decisions for our families based on situations we created or were given....I can feel my self venting and going off on tangents so I'll wrap it up...my kids are so loved by us and their other moms and dad. What we have may not work for everyone, and that kinda makes me sad, but I feel, that we are blessed exceedingly and abundantly beyond anything we could have imagined.....now if I can just fully* convenience my husband that we need to be blessed one more time, I'll be complete!!

*husband is all for another one..if someone else is paying..if were paying, it may be a little bit:)

Visit #2

After our visit with C we headed back to the hotel and the kids took about a 30 min nap before we had to get up and head to the next visit! We went to Mr. Gattis in hopes to wake Charlie up and keep him happy and entertained..cause he was already running on empty! It took him about 30-45 min before he was fully awake, cheerful and comfortable, but once he was..he was there to entertain!! Charlie's dad, M, is still in Afghanistan so our visit was with M's mom, M's wife and their new son, PJ...yes, I gave his name cause it ties into a funny story! Charlie and M's mom..he has always been super comfortable with her..she is a natural G-ma and Charlie can tell!
this is Mr PJ..I think that him and Charlie looked alike...I am terrible at knowing who looks like who, but when I saw him I thought of Charlie at that age. It may just be his skin color, but I thought their cheeks and eyes..maybe?? I don't know, but I thought he was adorable!!

Charlie had him laughing..like big, belly laughs!!

We tried so hard to get a good one of all three of them for M, but this was the best we got!!

This is M's wife, PJ and Charlie!

Getting Charlie to smile while he was playing a game...uh, not happening!!

Okay, this was my favorite story of this day!

M's new son is named Prodigy Jamal and they call him PJ. I will admit it is not a name I would have chosen for my child, but hey..everyone gets to name their own kid...although on a side not, there is a lesson here. It is my opinion that it's never a good idea to go with "you name it if it's a boy and I'll name it if it is a girl"..cause PJ's mom did that and was not loving the name that was chosen...maybe she has changed her tune now, but.. not.a.good.idea.people!!

Anyway, as we were getting ready to leave M's mom look at Charlie and said "Charlie, you should be glad...you could have been named Prodigy Jamal"!!!! I died laughing..probably more then I should have..cause I may have mumbled that same thing to Bradley not long a ago!!

Visit # with Eastons family up next!

Visit #1

We left for Abilene early Tuesday morning to start all the visits. Since we now have 3 visits in town there was no way we could get all the visits and court done in one day..so we headed up a day early. We drove straight into town and went to lunch with Charlie's mom and her family. The dynamic was a bit different this time..but there was a lot going on! C's mom and step dad were not there.. they had just left out of town. C's sister showed up..after being discharged the day before from having a C-section. I told her she got bonus points for showing up...I'd have kept my happy butt at home!!This was the best shot I got of Charlie with C's sister, husband and new niece!

Charlie and her other sister.

Easton got some lovin too!!

This is C's step mom and C's nephew. All the step parents were there when Charlie was born, they just were not married then. If I have not said it before, I have always been blown away at how great her parents have been...with us for one thing. But also, parenting together after divorce and being so kind to each other and each other's significant others...even the case worker mentioned to them when Charlie was born how blown away she was by how great they were together and how great they were at working together to support C...all 4 parents have always been really great and enjoyable to be around!

C's nephew, C and Charlie.

I wish I could have gotten some better pictures, but being at a restaurant and with all the chaos from the kids and the large crowd....non of the above were helpful obtaining great photos!

I thought C looked great here!

Charlie and C's brother..from the new marriage..technically Charlies uncle!!

All of C and her sisters kids!

Charlie and C's nephew..they were born 3 months apart and had a lot of fun together this time!

Charlie and C's dad..who came on his lunch break. I had been reading Charlie the books that I have made him from shutterfly from all our previous visits to get him ready to see everyone. He saw C's dad before we did and pointed and called him by name..I was impressed that Charlie was able to remember some of their names..there is usually a lot that come, so I was impressed he some/most names!

It was a great visit and it makes me sad that I have no idea when our next visit will be. C is getting married in November and moving to Japan a week later. Her future husband is in the military and it stationed in Japan for the next three years. I know she will come home and I know we can skype if Charlie has any questions while she is gone, but it really did make me sad that she was leaving. I just hope that when the tour there is done they head back this way!

I fear CPS may come knocking on my door..

I know I have been slacking on blogging..and I have decent reasons..to which I will get to in a later post.

With that, I am sorting through 147 pictures taken today and yesterday while we were in Abilene for our final court date for Easton!!!..he is officially ours. This last court date has never really been a huge deal for us since we have really felt that with both boys, they were ours from the moment we got home. Lots of people make a huge deal out of this day and to a lot of people it is a huge day which they were not sure they would get to see...but for us, the biggest part of today was that we are done writing checks for this adoption!!!

The most memorable part of today...just today, cause I have a few really great stories from yesterday:)..but the best of today goes to Charlie.We were sitting in court today and even though I have done nothing wrong, I still get nervous. We were told what to do and what to say..speak when spoken to kinda thing..and answer not nod..which I broke again this time cause I could not make a audible "yes" come out over my tears:)

So the lawyer ask Bradley a question about Easton and uses his full name...which is legally Easton Andrew Thomas Way. Eastons mom ask us to keep Thomas as his middle name and we agreed to honor her request. As much as we don't like double middle names, we did not want to give up our chosen middle name for hers..so we used both and just tell people his name is Easton Andrew Way..so Charlie has never heard the Thomas thrown in. So when the lawyer ask Bradley that question and uses Eastons full name Charlie says..kinda quietly while looking at me.."That's not his name". I gave him a look and told him it was fine.

When it was my turn and the lawyer called him that again, Charlie pounded his hand on the table loudly looked at the judge and me and said in a stern voice "THAT.IS.NOT.HIS.NAME"....at this point it was kinda still funny...

Until the sweet judge ask Charlie if he like being a big brother..to which he says yes. She then ask if he is helpful when his brother cries..to which he says. She ask what he does when he cries, to which he say, "I slap him"..with a big smile on his face.

I.just.about.died.

And then she sent CPS to our house to take both boys away..well, not really, but who's gonna be surprised if they show up...